so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Two words: blizzard sex
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
