got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
