Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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