What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
