hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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