First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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