i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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