Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
