**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
