can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
