i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
