She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
This is my gift to your gina
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
