yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
