i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
why does every cop we meet know your name?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize