Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Less talking, more tequila
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
