So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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