would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I need a burrito and a hug.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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