You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
