I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
