i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
