You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
