My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
