So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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