no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
