Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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