why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
