so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
