It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
