The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
