i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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