Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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