I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
