This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
