??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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