Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
