It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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