i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
