Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
