My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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