i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I can't put those talents on a resume
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
