Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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