I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
