I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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