what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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