Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize