We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
