His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
