thus making me awesome and them whores
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
