I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
