remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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