the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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