Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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