I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
