whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I will pee on everything he values.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize