I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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