Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
birth control should be required to get into college
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize