eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
