Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
