My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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