is wine microwaveable?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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