2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
