I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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