Dude my mom stole all your condoms
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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