If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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