i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
