that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
