i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
