dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
