who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
