Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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